I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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