Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
