I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
