I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
