At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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