I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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