i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
