What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
