I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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