Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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