apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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