I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
