thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
