Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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