Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
