dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
