You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
