i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize