I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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