My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
