Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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