What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
