listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
