Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
