yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
