Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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