Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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