it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
