If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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