she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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