if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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