I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
