He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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