Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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