if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
