Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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