the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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