dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
