So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
