wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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