He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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