this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
