Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So squirting runs in the family.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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