I faked an abortion last night.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
