he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
