Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this boner is exhausting
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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