Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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