Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
