Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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