I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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