You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
