the condom got lost in my hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
