those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
