i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
