Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
