I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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