I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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