I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
