the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
