What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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