I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
