I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
