So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
