The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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