I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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