i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
