and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
