Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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