I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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