it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
