i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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